And Such

What a Guy Wants… & What He Doesn’t

Click here to view my published article on HerCampus.

Face it.  Most gals would absolutely LOVE to be inside a guy’s head.

What is he thinking?

Does he like me?

Are “we” going anywhere?

Am I just a hook-up?  Where do we stand in our relationship?

Does he even like or notice my trendy new Steve Madden pumps?

Unfortunately, mind reading is not a talent we can acquire, so I am here to provide all of my ladies with the lowdown on what a guy wants.

After interviewing several (hot) guys on campuses across the country, I found many similarities and a rhythm to their answers.  Some of these guys are in a relationship and some of them are single.  This is what they want, and more importantly what they don’t want, in a girl.

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DO’S:

Take the initiative.  Once in awhile, it’s great to take charge and “make the first move.”  Not everything has to be planned all the time.

Know how to switch things up, always keeping the freshness and excitement alive in any relationship.

Guys love it when you share similar interests.  Whether it is a passion for football, or a love for the same type of music, it’s a fun way to grab and hook onto his attention.  It’s an important part of any relationship.  Face it girls: if a guy likes something, it’s not likely that will change.  If you don’t have similar interests, what are you doing with him??

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Have an awesome sense of humor.  Know how to laugh and to take a joke…and give some good wit right back at him!

Be cuddly.  Every guy looks forward to some cuddle time, in addition to kicking back and relaxing.  Believe it or not, most guys look for someone who they can “stay in all night with and just talk or watch TV and movies.”  They’re not looking for a pretty ice princess.

Have an interest in yourself.  Guys want to know that you like to stay in shape, exercise, and enjoy being your best.  Whether you hit the gym, take yoga or other fitness classes, or plan brisk walks/runs/bike rides, staying in shape and at the top of your personal game is critical to your well being and overall physical and mental health.  Men find it extremely attractive…and sexy.  And what’s better than killing two birds with one stone?  Regardless of what a guy wants, this is something you should be doing for YOU, not for him.

Be open-minded to new ideas and situations your relationship may present.  Many guys look for a girl who they could do just about anything with.

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Be loyal, honest, trustworthy, and his best friend.  One of the guys who I interviewed said that girls, “need to be a friend, first and foremost, and then grow into an almost best friend.”  You should always be there for your man, and he should always be there for you…but above all, you should wantto be there for him, giving him the best possible advice you can give.

Be friend-and-family-oriented.  Guys love it when they can take you to hang out with their friends or family and you make yourself feel comfortable.  After all, these are the people who matter most in your man’s life, so you want to make a great impression!  One of the guys put it this way, “I want somebody who could unwind and be fun with my friends, while also having the class to be around my family.”

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Don’t be a clinger.  Be sure to keep up your own friendships, and encourage him to keep his. It is healthy for both of you to make plans without each other. You need your time with the girls, and he needs his time with the guys.  Nervous about him being out with the guys?  That’s easy.  If you can’t trust him to be out with the guys, move on honey!

When asked about his ideal type, one guy said, “My type would be a girly girl who is still sort of athletic or keeps in shape.  Being honest, trustworthy, and loyal are essential to being my type.”

Others weren’t too specific to an exact ‘type’ when searching for their girl, “I feel like that makes it harder for people to meet.  You may never meet a person you’re meant to be with if you’re constantly searching for a specific type.”

Another guy said that he looks for someone who has the whole package…all of his favorite qualities is what he looks for.  He finds it extremely attractive and sexy when a girl is “smart, self-sufficient, can hold a conversation, enjoys staying in shape and has the ability to be open minded.”

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DON’TS:

First thing’s first: don’t be the annoying diva/drama queen/phony betch.  Guys seriously hate that!  In fact, everyone hates it.  That nonsense should be long gone, ditched back in immature ‘freshman high school’ days.  Be spontaneous, independent, and classy.  Know who you are, andconfidently work it ladies…without any annoying drama attached!  Don’t care too much about what others think, just be yourself.  The two C’s, as I call them, confidence and class, are key.

Don’t feel like you have to look sexy all of the time. Men like a fun, natural, look too; casualness and naturalness with your man is just as important as being gussied up and working your girly stuff!  Switch up your look a bit…throw on some mascara, gloss, and a cute baseball cap, for a fun and casual date.

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Don’t forget to be sexy and girly.  Sometimes your circumstances don’t entail getting dressed up (many college campuses don’t present too many opportunities for “fancy”).  It’s easy to get comfortable in sweats and jeans, but kick it up a notch, ladies.  Guys like feminine, so don’t fall into a bad routine.

Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty.  If your man wants to go rock climbing, live a little! Have some fun, and go rock climbing!  Be open-minded and expand your horizons!  But for goodness sake,don’t whine about it.

Don’t lie or play petty games with him or those around you.  Guys see it and smell it from miles away.  It’s unattractive and immature.

Don’t over-examine what you both have together (or had together).  Have some pride.  You may have had more fun on a date, talking, or hanging out than he did.  “If I stop texting and calling, there’s probably a reason.  Actually, there’s definitely a reason.”  Now don’t shoot the messenger on this one.  I’m not saying that guys always end things acceptably, gentlemanly, or fairly.  But if he’s an a**, do you really want him to continue texting or calling?  Cut your losses, he’s not interested you shouldn’t be either!

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Don’t be high-maintenance.  A materialistic girl who wants to constantly go out and have her man take her to “fancy dinners” is a major turn off to every guy, and gets really old fast.  Making your man a delicious home cooked meal is a fun and romantic way to switch it up once in awhile.  Why not set cute a table with candles, decide on an easy-to-make, easy-to-eat recipe, and cook dinner together?

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Don’t be a picky eater (this also most certainly falls under the category of ‘high-maintenance’).  One guy said that he would rather his girl be a ‘slob’ than not eat at all!

Don’t be slutty or dirty.  This was a constant in the guys’ answers.  No one appreciates a slut…or someone who doesn’t like to take showers on the reg.  As old-fashioned as it sounds, a guy may hook up with you, but he won’t ever really “want” you if you don’t have respect for yourself.

So, there it is.  I asked direct questions and got very direct answers. Like it or not, it’s every girl’s guide to what a guy wants…and what he doesn’t.

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“Ladies, the right man for you will pursue you.  Actively.  He won’t leave you wondering whether he’s into you or not.” – Mandy Hole

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